saanjh ki nami mein
saason ki baarish
simte hue ek pal mein
afsaano si khwaish..
dubte hue suraj si
dhalti hui aankhen
bheege un lamhon mein
thehar jaane ki khwaish..
girte hue patton ki
sehmi si sarsarahat
jannat ki is mehfil mein
ghar basane ki khwaish..
har saanjh mein, ek pal
ek pal , ek lamha
ek lamha yun jismein
poori zindagi jee lene ki khwaish..
8 comments:
was just reading your old posts this morning. I kept on repeating something to myself all day, the last phrase i read this morning here. i have been chewing on it all day, not to understand it or listen to what it has to say to me. but just holding on to i like a pendent. just fiddling around with it on cold a day.
the hunger gets to her
before the poison...
i took it out from your poem mild hysteria. your poems are like keepsakes. they jingle a lot and i keep reading different ones from time to time, wear them for a day or two and put them back for another day, untouched.
Just the very thought that these words are being valued such, gives me so much happiness as can't be describe...
Thankyou!
Anki awesome bit of poetry, makes u wanna read again & again:)
Okay i'll start by saying i LOVE this.
And to make this Ghazal a ghazal. Just a few cosmetic changes:
saanjh ki nami mein
saason ki baarish
simte hue ek pal mein
afsaano si khwaish..
dubte hue suraj si
dhalti hui aankhen
bheege un lamhon mein
thehar jaane ki khwaish..
girte hue patton ki
sehmi si sarsarahat
jannat ki mehfil mein
ghar basane ki khwaish..
har saanjh mein, ek pal
har pal , ek lamha
us lamhein mein saari
zindagi jee lene ki khwaish..
Kash sach koi ise ek Gazal mein dhaal deta aur ise yunhi mein gungunati..
par agar mein apni kahun to us 'ek' pal ko 'har' pal na kahun ;-)
baki aap par hai huzoor! :-)
Ghazal nahin toh yeh kya hai mohtarma? Lafzon ko jazbaat mein piro kar jo haar bunte hian, wahi toh ghazal hai. Thoda dard, thodi khushi, thodi maayusi, aur thodi zindagi; yeh sab agar alfaazon ke jaam mein palat do, wahi toh Ghazal hai. Shaayad main sahi nahin, shaayad main hi galat huun, magar agar huun bhi toh, jo ghazal hai wahi toh ghazal hai.
And here it is reworked, try singing it, it will work.
saanjh ki nami mein
saanson ki baarish
simte hue ek pal mein
afsanon ki khwahish...
dubte hue suraj ki
wohdhalti hui aankhen
aur bheegte lamhon mein
thehar jaane ki khwahish...
girte hue patton ki
sehmi si sarsarahat
jannat si is mehfil mein
ghar basaane ki khwahish...
har saanjh mein ek pal,
har palm mein ek lamha
us lamhein mein zindagi
jee lene ki khwahish...
any i cant delete any of the repeated comments here. So i apologise for this technical glitch and i realise i cant delete comments from this beta-blog now.
lijiye janaab apka comment bhi delete kar diya..
baki apki bande nawazi ka shukriya..
yunhi apki nazar in lafzon par bani rahe..nahi to kisi saanjh ki nami mein yeh bhi dhal jayenge
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