Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Absence




Out alone in the balmy night
just looking for someone to fight
I stand alone by the swing
fighting the frustrations from within

Nothing.. to prepare
Nothing.. to rebel
Nothing.. to love
Nothing.. to gain

Have been caged here in solitude
I seem to be lost to my friends..
Because eventho they write to me
I sometimes think they pretend..

hoping for a remedy
to cure away this pain
I long to be with someone again
to fill up.... the absence

8 comments:

Ravali said...

don't go for it? trust me, wanna fight solitude? fight it with silence. don't go for soul mates and what not? its too high of a maintainance. single life is the best. there are two ways to get close to yourself, either fall in love, or don't fall for anything at all. single life is the way to go.

AakASH!!! said...

I think, the ellipsis in the last line should be between, up and the.

Also you may drop the word for in the second stanza. It should create a rhythm. Unless you are avoiding it to symbolize the vacant.

Just some suggestions, i loved the muse behind this verse.

AakASH!!! said...

Do read the comment on the last verse: saanjh.

Anki said...

Well aakaash!..

i took up your suggestions..
let me know if it sounds any better now..

Thankyou :)

and as for the muse behind this..

It was the Book "Order of the Phoenix", the part where Harry is out walking in frustration because Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione are not letting him know anything!..

quite a diff passage than the mood of this verse.. but still.. :)

AakASH!!! said...

Harry Potter!!! Thats quite an unlikely trigger for this, but then muse is just an excuse.

How about the suggestions for SAANJH?

AakASH!!! said...

Do check out the response to your comment on SAANJH. Have done some more.

AakASH!!! said...

somehow this blogger beta is driving me crazy. I have no clue where did it pick up the name Vyom!
But then you know both are me.

humbl devil said...

agree with ravali...
being single is fun...but only if you have company...instead of searching high n low for true love, we should cultivate true friendships...helps a lot...

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