I just dont know..

having traced all the lines of your face
i have read the lies in your eyes
still when its time to let you go
i just dont know...if i would

gazing into your vacant eyes
i taste the tears every night
even when you dont say anything
i just dont knw.... if i should

i give away all i can, meekly
withering away as slow as the hours past
and even when you call out for help
i just dont know... if i could

Mundane

losing myself in inches..
in the everyday regularity
escaping the last second
to relive it again

continual routine
variant in degrees, too miniscule
i am no longer unique,
existing day-in and day-out

clashin inside everyday
the two minds
one which wants to change
and the one who does not

i am reaching out
but am not yet there
the comfort in being mundane
seems more promising

fighting in this battle
to salvage my soul
hoping to be reborn
breaking the chains of lethargy

Alone on a weekend..

Lonely hours ticked by...
awaiting the arrival of yet another moment of solitude, of introspection.
But havinng in abundance, that, which is usually scarce makes me value it less. (time)
I wander around doing nothing.

No complaints to make, no wishes unfulfilled.
I am content, too content (I am unsure of this comfort)
The peacefullness is bothering me...

then the phone rings...
and I am longing for the silence again :)

Its almost hilarious
How i hold on to something only when i know that it will be gone

I guess i am just waiting for tht special someone in my life..
and i think..everyone has to wait alone :)

{under observation}

Shhh... Don't think
you are thinking aloud

you are thinking wrong

They would know
They already do
& they would dislike you for what you are
this is not what they
intended you to become

Sustain your individuality
because if you dont have it
they would lose the purpose
in making you lose it

To have all...yet..love nothing
They know how to give with one hand...
all that you deserve
& use the other to take ...all the joys away

Happiness on your terms is a crime
....have your terms
only to not have them materialise
is what is desired

to want something so badly &
for it to be given to you only
so that you learn to hate it
to make you responsible for losing
what you love

They dont wish you to suffer
They want you to enjoy
all that they do to you
& to never doubt....
that they only want the best for you

To appreciate & accept all they say
no..not with eyes closed, ears closed
but to see it all, hear it all....
to be able to say it all
yet to be not given your own say
to be not heard at all....to be kept away

Its just a dummy that i have become

I dont know..
dont want to know
if this is the right way
or the wrong way
but it sure is not my way
i dont want it to be my way

Charade

roaming around in the prison of my own make
each room glitters
decorated, carpeted stairs..
hanging memorabilias..
good luck charms..to chase the demons away

but like the commencement of a
public charade
the pause..applause..makes me stand
alone on tht stage

each beginning begins from an end
the end ends with the beginning
am so dazed up
and then thrs the spotlight

Journey...

i am on a journey..completely confused
with what i am and what i would rather be
open to criticisms, judgements and..no i am not averse to them all

its easier to realise wht i need to do in life
than to actually get down to doing it
the vicious circle between what is and what could hv been..
shud hv been
is proving so difficult to break

it maybe so..tht the circle is of my own making
but..as of now..it exists...

Staircase

Going along the stairs…climbing up
Each step I have to take...and remind me, that I am another step closer
To what it is that I am leading to…have no clear idea…
But can’t stay here…have to take another step…

Away from where I was standing, Always on a new step…always moving on…
Losing familiarity…gaining friends…
Oscillating…in my highs and lows…
Nevertheless…moving on…

It feels great to have someone walking along...
holding you in case you stumble or fall
It feels better to give support to someone else who you meet on the way…
Understanding each other…& understanding our reason for moving on…

I know I am not alone in this journey…

I don’t even know if the next step that I take leads up….or is dragging me down….somewhere I do have an idea…but that too only of moving on

Leaving milestones…along the way…
to help us know our road back…when we lose our way…
by making true friends

Coz even though this journey is always about you and your goals alone…
It just seems all worthwhile to reach the end with friends along your side…

Encouraging you…sharing your sorrows…making each step a journey in itself…

What is it that we carry in our baggage when we move along….
memories…and trivia…
a feeling of loving and being loved
Caring, sharing, taking, stealing, demanding…hating…living!!!

Uncertainties are scattered all along the way…
Sometimes bringing sudden unexpected joys…..
sometimes taking away the guiding light…leaving you astray…

But always...we move on….that is the only way we know…

And somehow we always find a home at every step tht we take…
making it a little more of our own

It is said that the End justifies the means….maybe I’ll know for sure what it has all been about only after I have lived all, seen all, felt all